Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I know I promised pics this post, but until I lose this weight I have to be a slave to the gym and I am headed to yoga. So please HELP me decide and answer my poll.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Tonights post will be short and sweet. Just a note to tell you where I am in life at this moment. But I promise I will get back on here and let you in all of the juicy stuff of life. My next post I will be sure to include some pics of all the new things happening right now.
So, let me introduce myself again. My name is Kristin. I am 23 years old and I graduated this past December. I thought finding a job would be no big deal now that I had a college degree. I was wearing such rose colored glasses I thought I would be making the big money in no time. But that was not the case. I was without a job for almost two months which is why I started the blog in the first place.I had always wanted to start one and then I finally had the time. It was a great release from the hundreds of online job applications I was filling out everyday. It kept me from going stir crazy.
This in between jobs time turned out to be the best thing that happened to me. It allowed for quiet time. Which is something I had never really considered important until I had it. For the first time I could actually hear God speaking to me. As if he was just sitting on my bed talking to me.
I learned something very important in that time frame. I learned that it is so true what they say about how being a Christian does not mean you wont suffer disappointment, but it means that God will be there to comfort you and that is exactly what he did. He helped me to heal past regrets and make amends with the people I needed to in order to move ahead into my future into a life with him.
He also revealed to me how he really does know whats best for life even when I try to go against it. For example I interviewed for a great job at IMG as an event planner. I thought it was the perfect job for me after college. I was going to be getting to travel and it was in my field.. You know a real brag worthy job for that 10 year reunion that seems is approaching quicker and quicker!! The girl who interviewed me basically told me I was a shoe in, and gave me some material to read over to be more prepared for when I started. But then three weeks went by and I never heard anything. I was almost afraid to talk to her because I knew it must be bad news and then reality would have to kick it. Finally I received an email stating that a week after I interviewed a guy had come in with three years of experience and was willing to work at the same entry level pay that I was going to start at. I thought my dreams were crushed, but God had a different plan for my life. A week later I called the hr at the bank to see if they were hiring and talked to one of hiring agents.
I started at the bank full time in February. It doesn't pay as much as I would like, but I received benefits immediately and I was given seven days vacation and seven sick days after only 90 days. Not to mention I have great hours. I am a teller right now. Which isn't exactly where I thought I should be since I have a degree, but in the banking industry you have to start from the bottom and work your way up.
I am still keeping my eyes open for my dream job. I have still been going to Southland and I have met so many nice people there. I'm sorry I am cutting this off so short, but I am going to be late for Pilates if I don't get going soon. I will have to tell you all about the new diet I have gotten myself into in the next post. Talk to you again soon
Sunday, April 5, 2009
I have been blessed with so much and I just want to kick myself sometimes for being so discontent. How do you stop yourself from questioning everything? I thought I had finally learned to just give it all up to God, but I continue to struggle with that daily.
Two weeks ago we found out that my uncle has cancer. There had been a spot before on his lungs but they thought they had removed it all. Then two weeks ago we were thrown a fast ball. The cancer was back on his lungs and had spread to his spine. The doctor's diagnosis was grim. My uncle was told that it was inoperable and that due to the large amount of cancer in his body they would not be doing radiation.
I was sitting in the middle of chop house eating dinner with my mom when the call came from my dad and tears began to stroll down my face. I have seen cancer try to steal the lives of people I love before, but never this close to home. I think it was partially due to the shock of it all. My uncle although in his late 60's seemed very healthy. He ate right, he worked in his garden, he mall walked every day for excersise and he kept up with three granchildren all under the age of seven. How could this man that seemed so healthy have cancer all throughout his body. I thought our bodies were supposed to alert us when something was not right and here his body had deceived him.
I called to tell him I was thinking about him and praying for him and when I asked him how he was doing he snickered hey I am still kicking. I couldn't believe that he could find humor in this terrible situation. I guess our emotional defenses kick in overdrive when faced with tragedy because if you sat around and thought about the true seriousness of the situation all you would want to do is cry and think how unfair life really is.
Then, on Friday I found out that I guy I knew at church had died in a motorcycle accident. He was only 21 years old. It really makes you think how nothing in life is guaranteed. They talked about him in church today, and about his mom. I can't imagine the thoughts that were running through her head when she received that call. Death is never an easy thing to accept, but its even more unnatural when a child goes before a parent. Please say a prayer for Brandon's family. I know right now they are really questioning God.
Those two things alone could break anyone, but then also last week my aunt had a kidney stone and had to have surgery, my friend was kicked out of her house, and my best friend is having some pretty serious medical problems.I hope that this week God will help me to see the purpose because right now its hard. I have to get off here now and take care of some things around the house, but I will be back on this week.
Monday, March 16, 2009
So here's whats new:
New job at Bank is great! Everything is coming really easy and I havent made any terrible mistakes with money which gave me nightmares at first.
Church is better than ever! Most of you might remember that I started a women's bible study on Esther. Its amazing. Beth Moore is such a great speaker, this is my first time getting to see her in action. For the first 30 min of the study we watch a DVD of her teaching. I only wish I had more time to study. Lately I have been showing up to the study on Monday nights completely unprepared. All I have been able to fit in is the bible reading I havent made time to actually do the workbook yet, but the ladies in my study are great and we have really learned a lot from each other already.The study really focuses on how tough it is to be a woman. I know that God has brought us together to be a support system and I'm leaning on them more and more. A few weeks ago was the closest and most intimate we have been in our discussion. We really released are deepest fears and worries and by the end of our time together not a single eye was dry.
I also started a new lifegroup a couple of weeks ago. Things are going good we have hung out a couple of times. I have made friends with two of the girls in particular. The others I just haven't had a chance to get to know. I was sad that we have lost a few girls. Its just hard to be able to plan something that works with everyones schedules.
I also have made lots of new friends from the Space Between. Last weekend was my birthday and God could not have given me a better present than to place Godly friends in my life. Making a change in your life is not easy and at times it is lonely. It was the lonliness that had kept me returning to my same behavior before. But two thursday's ago I met some guys after TSB and they invited me to go out to eat after. Before I knew it I had received an invitation to go to a cookout the next day and then a movie the next night. I met probably 20 new people that weekend. The cookout was a blast. UK lost, but the food was great and we played corn hole and just hung out. That night I went with another group of ppl from church to see the International and then we went to Marika's and played darts and hung out until 2 am.
Well I have to get off here, and get ready for Dance Dance ( new fun class I'm taking at the gym). Talk to y'all soon!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
The new job is going great. I found out some bad news. The event planning place emailed me to let me know that they had filled the position with someone else. I couldn't believe that they lady actually emailed me. We had really developed a friendship in my interview and I had sent her a hand written thank you note, not to mention we had talked on the phone a couple of times since the interview. How Rude! Well, its her loss.
Its probably a good thing. This week I have really felt at peace at Central Bank. I know that is where God wants me to be right now. Everyone I work with is so nice, and my manager pulled me aside the other day to tell me he had seen something in me the day of the interview and that he knew I was interested in becoming a personal banker. Normally you have to wait up to six months but he said he would try and help move the process along..so that was exciting. Everything seems to be coming to me very easy. The only thing I need to work on is how fast I can count the money. I swear some of the girls that have been working there awhile are faster than the machines. Right now I am more focused on accuracy than speed. I am worn out from this week, but I only have one more day. Tomorrow wont be as fun as today because we have classroom training..blah! I loved working at the bank today! I am beyond tired though and I can't keep my eyes open any longer. I will definitely feel you in more on saturday!
Hope everyone's week has been as productive as mine!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Second, I won't be able to blog as much now because I just started my first big girl job at the bank yesterday. The first day went well, and I think I will really like it. I haven't heard back from the Event Planning place yet, but I am confident that if they don't call then I know I am right where God wants me to be. Which is weird because I feel like the EP place was the perfect first job for me and my personality, but God knows us better than we know ourselves and sometimes its hard to remember that.
I started a new women's bible study on Esther yesterday. It is a Beth Moore Study. We watched a video from her and I had never heard her speak. She is great! Funny, entertaining, educated, well-spoken, has a deep passion for God, is beautiful inside and out, and really exemplifies what it is to be a Godly woman. I will talk more later about the specifics of what we learned because I think they are useful to all women, but I have to go finish getting ready and iron (uggh) my clothes. I love most household chores, but ironing is not one of them.
Talk to you soon.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
I have always wanted kids. I always joke I was born to breed because of how much I love kids. I love kids so much that I would rather babysit on a friday than go out. I sit and imagine what it will be like when I hold my own little one in my arms and rock it to sleep. Or what it will be like when I save the day and find my toddlers blankie. Or what it will be like to help my own child with their projects and homework. But I never sit and imagine what it will be like when they're teenagers. Its like in my mind they stop growing after 10.
When I agreed to stay with the boys I thought they are teenagers this will be a piece of cake, but what I realized last night is that raising a teenager is far from easy. Here is this being that you have loved and nurtured, and you want everything in the world for them, but everyone is human and at sometime in your childs life they are going to hurt you. Intentional or unintentional the hurt is still real. It could be something as little as not wanting you around anymore or shutting down and not talking to you like they used to when they are younger. Or it could be something bigger such as deception or disrespect.
I hope that with God's help I will be able to raise my kids to be good people, but there is still a possibility that they will rebel. I feel sorry for my aunt now. Her oldest has been having a lot of problems lately, and I know she must feel so hopeless. I'm not sure where my aunt's relationship with God is right now, but I know she doesn't beleive in organized religion, and doing this on her own has to be hard. I pray for my cousin all the time. I have talked about the mistakes I have made and the regrets I have, but him be a 17 year old male thinks he knows everything. I wish I could get him into church, and away from the crowd he hangs out with now. Church saved my life when I was his about age. If I hadn't gotten away from the crowd I was hanging out with at 15 who knows where I would have been at 17. He is so angry all the time, and I know he is depressed. His life is spiraling out of control, and I know deep down he probably wants to change. To feel happy again. To be able to look himself in the mirror and say you are worth more than this. But change is hard, and most people take the path to least resistance. I am evidence that change is possible. Not on your own, but with God. He is the key ingredient.
I want to take back control of his life for him since he can't handle it. I think drastic changes need to be made in his life. Take him out of the school he is in now, and put him in the school in his district. For us not to tolerate his disrespectful words and the tone he uses with not only me, but the mother who raised him. To force him to go to a counselor to work out whatever is making him self-destruct. But I am just an outsider looking in, and its easy for me to say what I would do in the situation, but its not my situation. So I keep quite about my feelings, and just pray that God will heal this family and bring my cousin to his breaking point so that he won't have to be told to change, he will want to change.
Friday, February 20, 2009
It is a round trip cruise excursion for 2 for 4days/2 nights hotel accomodations are included. Excerpt from brochure: This vacation provides for a filled cruise for 2 adults along with the accomodations for 4 days and 3 nights on the Grand Bahamas Island. Choose your preferred travel dates, then let excitement of your vacation begin as you sail for the world famous playground of Freeport, on the Grand Bahamas Island. Once on board, you will experience all the elegance and adventure of an eight hour journey across the Atlantic Ocean, where an island paradise awaits your arrival. Relax and enjoy all of the splendor of your luxurious cruise, delicious gourmet meals or sun and fun on the spacious pool decks. There are many shipboard activities to enjoy, including parties, deck games, horse racing, first run movies and exotic Las Vegas style venues! Explore the duty free gift shops, relax in one of the ship's many lounges, dazzle them in the disco or try your luck in the casino! I think it is either this line or a similar one http://www.discoverycruiseline.com/ I will close the giveaway a week from today on Wednesday, February 25. The voucher expires May 19th. You will need to have the vacation completed by the 18th. Also, you have to call in advance to make the reservation. It says 45 days in advance.
General give away rules apply:
Leave comment on her page- entered once
Become a follower or are a follower entered twice
Post about give-away on your blog- entered three time!
Good Luck Everybody!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I was surprised at what a large group it is, but we finally settled on our first meeting being the first sunday in March. Some of us girls are going to get together Tuesday February 24th to see Brandon Heath (one of my favorite christian artists) play at Quest. I hope it works out that I can go. Since I don't know which job I am taking yet, it makes it hard to plan even a few days ahead without knowing my work schedule.
I accepted the job at Central Bank, but my heart is still hoping to get a call about the event planning job. I think I am going to call there tomorrow to see where they are in the interview process and if they have made a decision. I am hoping that by telling them that I have another offer they made speed up the process. Please say a prayer for me tonight.
I am going to get off here and read some more of my new book and watch the UK game. GO CATS!
2) I want to know how much it cost:) And this is not to judge. This is for entertainment purposes only. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, I’d love to hear it.
3) Tag some chicks. And link back to this post so people know why the heck you’re showing everyone your bag.
Inside is the new book I picked up yesterday, Bounderies in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend, my prayer journal, monthly planner, Banana Republic glasses, travel size Estee Lauder Sensuous perfume, make up bag, anti-bacterial moisturizing lotion, and new red wallet (V-day present from Mom).
Blog Blog Blog
Bring the Rain
Hope everyone is having a good week! I know I am. Yesterday my Dad and I hung out all day like we use to when I was a little girl, he always would say we were having a date = ). Yesterday we ate lunch at Ted's Montana Grill, then went to see Gran Torino, and then spent a couple of hours in Barnes and Noble (where I picked up my new book).
Saturday, February 14, 2009
So here's the fun:
Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.
Step 2: tag—eight other un-tagged people.
Make a list of things you can see without getting up:
my tv, my closet, my rose petal lamp, my huge cheesy Vday card my dad gave me, pictures of all my family and friends, cows grazing in a pasture, my cheetah lamp, my ever-growing shoe collection, my full length mirror, my bed, my two dressers
Favorite Football team:
College: UK Pro: Cowboys
What are you wearing right now?
black yoga pants, j-crew long-sleeve black and white stripe fitted tee, Bebe rhinestone black baseball cap, VS panties, and my fave Ipex bra, fresh water pearl earrings, white gold cross, and diamond ring
What color is your bedroom?
top half is castillion (beige color) from Town and Ranch, wainscoting is white pearl by Coronatta (not sure how to spell hehe). Bedding is Symphony Pattern from the Rose Tree bedding collection (black and white floral pattern with hounds tooth pillow accents and red sheets) and cherry furniture
What was the last thing you finished reading or our currently reading?
The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs, and The Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
What was the last movie you saw?
Confessions of a Shopaholic
What is your current/latest obsession?
planning and organizing
What was the last thing you said aloud?
"I'm going to watch the game in my room" to my parents.
What websites do you always visit when you get online?
insightbb, gmail, blogger, facebook, ebay
What are you listening to right now?
I'm watching the UK basketball game..GO CATS..WE'RE IN THE LEAD!!
If you could have a superpower what would it be?
to heal people
What is your favorite weather and why?
Spring days because they're warm and breezy, and fall because I love the changing colors of leaves, especially in Gatlinburg.
What time do you usually get up?
for right now about 7 am..until I start my new job
What is your most challenging goal right now?
To lose 20 lbs by my birthday..but I have been sticking to my weight watchers and pilates so its looking good!
Say something to the person who tagged you:
I really enjoy her blog! Check it out if you haven't! I also admire her courage as a new wife and mother. I hope I can have it together like she does by the time I start a family.
If you could have a house totally paid for and fully furnished anywhere in the world where would it be?
Right here in Kentucky. I have always thought it would be fun to move away as a single twenty-something, but I hope to be able to return to the bluegrass to raise my family here so that my parents will be involved in the lives of my children.
Favorite Vacation Spot:
I love Chicago, the museums, the art, the shopping, the plays, but I would have to say Wilmington, N.C. I used to vacation there every summer when I was little.
What is your favorite children's book?
The Madeline books
Name one thing you can't resist no matter how bad it is for you?
Winchell's hot wings (if you are ever in Lexington, KY you must go to this mom and pop neighborhood restaurant..and if you like hot stuff their hot sauce is the hottest I have found this side of the south)
Favorite hair product:
Redken extreme shampoo and conditioner and Got2Be Smoothing Operator hairspray
What was the first tape or cd you ever bought yourself?
my first cd was TLC
If you could have any job in the world what would it be and why?
I always dreamed of being an actress. Hey, I still might be discovered, George Clooney was 35 years old when he was really discovered and he is from Maysville, KY which is where my family is from!
Adding this one:
What is something unusual you can do, that your friends may not even know about?
I can write with my toes. I know its a little weird, but my grandma taught me.
Blog Blog Blog
Dave and Brit Plus One
Its Raining Pearls
Friday, February 13, 2009
I adore heels. I have several kinds. Open toe, wedge, stilettos (my fave), practical pumps, strappy heels, tall boots, platform, and pointy toes. I love them!
Last week I began to notice the side of my pinky toe hurting on my left foot. I didn't think much about it, and kept faithful to wearing heels. By sunday I was literally limping to church. After church I took off my shoe and looked down to see there was a huge knot on my pinky toe. I have had blisters before and this did not look like anything I had ever seen. I called Dr. Mom and she told me I probably had a corn. Gross!
Wednesday came and my foot was still not feeling better, and I was really stressed I may never be able to wear heels again so I went to the doctor. He told me that things like these take time to heal and that it looked like it was healing perfectly well.
Then, I told him how during my pilates exercise my knee had been feeling some discomfort. He said it was most likely the result of wear and tear from my many years as a varsity dancer and cheerleader. He then prescribed me arthritis cream for my knee. haha. That gave my parents a big laugh..since neither one of them have had to use it yet.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
On monday I interviewed with a company that does event planning. My actual title would be Education Specialist. I would get to travel to all sorts of fun cities doing what I love to do best, and that is working with people. Plus I would be working with some great people. I really got along well with the girl I interviewed with, and I know she would make a great mentor. She has it all. She is a wife, mother, and a business woman. On top of it all she is a christian! I really have my heart set on getting this job, but if it doesn't work out I will know its because God has something better planned for me.
Break down behind me, my life is back on track. I'm really excited about friday. I have a big group of girls going to see Confessions of a Shopaholic. Hopefully, that will take my mind off of the job!
It seems that making my list of desires and lifting them up to God has really worked. On my list, besides a job, was a lifegroup. After switching churches I was left without one. I had found other ways to connect at Southland in children's ministry, but really missed having a lifegroup. Its nice to be able to talk to people that are in the same place in their lives as you. To have accountability and encouragement of people trying to live their lives to glorify God. Especially now that I am ready to start the next chapter of my life with God, marriage, and family as my top priorities rather than what there is to do on a friday night.
Anyways, I got a call saying that a new women's lifegroup had just opened up. I will get to meet the girls tuesday at a mexican restaurant. I'm so excited. Not to mention I am starting the women's bible study Transforming Women the following week. It looks like God has answered my prayers in more ways than one.
I also got an invitation to be in the Lexington Young Professional Association and it sounds like it would be a great place to network and meet people. Our first event is March 6. So I guess we will see than.
On a sad note two of my friends have been dealing with some pretty heavy stuff lately. Neither one of them are very religious and I have had a hard time comforting them. If anyone knows some comforting words I would appreciate the help. Other than that if everyone could just pray. I can't include their real names so we will just call them Miss K. and Miss H. Thanks and God Bless.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
I have been sticking to my weight watchers this week, but jean shopping sent me over the edge. Its not like I had gone up in size. I guess I just figured oh I have been dieting a week I am probably already a size smaller lol. This thinking led me straight to disappointment, then anger, then tears.
I normally woudn't cry over something so trivial. It wasn't until we were back in the car that my mom, with much poking and prodding, got to the real problem. I realized that I was overwhelmed and putting too much pressure on myself.
I was settling back into my make life happen mode rather than my trust God's plan mode. I love making lists! I am an obsessive lister at times. The other day I made a list of the things I wanted in life. A clear picture of what each thing meant to me, and a rough timeline for when I wanted those things to happen. You know career, marriage, children, social circles, cars, houses, etc.
Today's break down helped me to realize something. Lists can help you define what you want and organize, but if your too eager to check off the list and you start trying to cross through things on your own before God says when..it all falls apart. Its okay to lift those things up to God, and tell him what you want for your life, but he ultimately knows best. I know this, so why is it so hard for me to do?
I realized I was treating my list as a to do list. Fellow planners and listers understand that feeling you get when you don't check something off your list. I try to say its ok I will get to it tomorrow, but instead I usually lie there awake in my bed either A) feeling guilty I didn't get it done B) obsessing about when I am going to find time to do it or c) making another mental list in my head in which I add the unfinished item. None of the options are good.
The guilt makes me feel as if I have failed. The obsessing causes me to feel on edge and anxious not able to sleep. And the mental listing leaves me feeling as if I will never get done. Its no wonder with all that boiling inside me that I had a break down.
My advice is talk to someone. Your family, your friends, people at church. That's what they are there for, and they don't want you lying in bed trying to save the world on your own. Believe me after spilling all my worries and fears to my mom I felt a lot better. I am lucky to have someone much wiser and worldly to help bring me back down to earth.
I have another interview Monday at a event planning place as an education specialist. I am so excited they called me on Friday. The job sounds fun getting to help plan events, traveling, meeting speakers. It all sounds right up my alley. Say a little prayer!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I feel like everything is falling into place. I will get my car back from the shop in a couple of weeks, and it looks like once again God has come through! I was sad that this weekend I missed church for the first time in a long time. I mean I was there Saturday night to teach my boys, but my parents didn't go this weekend, and my friend I was planning to go with to 608 wasn't feeling well. I have had an anxious feeling all week like I stood up God on our weekly date, but I just keep trying to remember that it isn't the place that brings me closer to him.
I also made a bit of a mistake this weekend, and I feel like I really let him and myself down. Tonight I'm going to sit down with my bible and spend some time in prayer and hopefully I will begin to feel his grace rain down. I love that line in a Chris Tomlin song that says, "you see the depths of my heart and you love me the same." It always brings tears to my eyes.
Every day I feel his forgiveness and healing more and more, and I feel so blessed that he gives me those moments. When chatting with him I call myself a WIP (which I first heard in a computer class) it means work in progress, and that is exactly what we as humans are. He is not finished with us yet. So, when you feel like you will never be perfect don't give up hope because he doesn't, and he won't. He will keep calling you back and extend to you his love and grace everytime. That is why he sent Jesus to us. To be in a relationship with us. And just like we feel the void when he isn't in our lives, he feels it to.
I only have a couple chapters left of Friday Night Knitting Club. So, I'm off to the tub, then to study the word!
Monday, February 2, 2009
I'm off to do my pilates DVD!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
So, tomorrow I start weight watchers! I hope that by journaling my progress I will stay motivated. Any excersise tips or low cal meal ideas would be much appreciated.
Starting Weight: 151 lbs.
Shirt Size: M-L
Bra Size: 36D
Pants Size: 8-10, 30-31
Dress Size: 8-12
Goal Weight: 135 lbs.
Pounds to lose: 16 lbs.
I was also thinking about using the acai herbal supplement. Anyone know if those actually work? I have heard a lot of celebs talking about them. Might be worth a shot!
I also am going to start back doing my pilates DVD 3 days a week. I did that for two weeks a couple months ago and lost 7 lbs just doing pilates, no dieting, plus looked very toned!
I found this DVD at Walmart for $10. I liked it because it included the pilates band.
I can't wait for warmer weather so I can start running in my neighborhood again!
The search continues for a full time job. Some days filling out applications can feel both tedious and hopeless.
At church this week I had to teach a lesson on hope to my second grade boys. I think I took more out of it then they did. Its funny how teaching often works that way.
The lesson was about God's plan for us, a plan for good and that even when we have trials or hard times in our lives he uses those problems for ultimate good.
Roman's 8:28 "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."
Hope everyone has a great week!
Friday, January 30, 2009
So, here I was getting ready for the concert. Amazed at how early I was ready. I had an hour to kill and I thought yes, now I can finally take a look at that book my dad gave me today. I had just sat down on my bed, cozied up under a blanket when I thought, "Oh, I can't forget my camera!" I jumped up out of my bed, and went to the closet threw open the doors and hunted for the clutch that I was sure it was in.
Not only did I not find my camera, but I also couldn't find my clutch. PANIC MODE ON. It must have just fallen my calm self says. STILL PANIC TAKES OVER. I frantically started digging out the bottom of my closet. Which is cluttered with things for my house wen I move out. NOPE NOT THERE. At this point tears are welling up in my eyes. I clean my entire room and my calm self tries to do its job. Don't panic, it never helps. I remember my mom's words, "trace your steps." But I keep tracing them and they always lead back to the closet.
I get a chair and start to search the top part of the closet. Five minutes later, I'm sitting on the floor with every purse, scarf and hat I own surrounding me thinking..why do I have so much stuff? Then it hits me. The open house. I had been on one of my quick cleaning jobs and stuffed some stuff in my bathroom closet.
I ran to my bathroom, opened the door and there was my clutch with camera safe inside.
On another note, lately my church has been talking all about dating, marriage and relationships. If you haven't studied Song of Solomon you should get your bible out and take a look at it. God gives very complete and indepth instructions on what courtship, dating, marriage and even sex should look like for Christians. He gave us these to protect our mind, body and soul. Because when we carry emotional baggage or give ourselves away even emotionally to other people we cannot come before God or our Spouce's whole.
Now many of us including myself have not been perfect saints and we have already made these mistakes, but thats what is so great about God's grace. He can when your ready make you whole, and begin to heal the deepest aches in your heart. I had my doubts before I began to experience the forgiveness myself.
I was holding on to things from my past that I thought defined who I was as a person. I knew that God had forgiven me, but how could I forgive myself. Thats when I realized that I wasn't letting God in. I wasn't giving him complete control of my life.
One night alone in my bed I said a prayer of recommitement to God. I told him I was sorry for the things I had done in my past and that I had not made him my top priority. I told him that I would not make the same mistakes. That I would surround myself with people that bring me closer to him not drive me farther apart. I asked him to help me trust in him. To give me discernment between right and wrong.
I spend time nurturing that relationship as if it was a marriage. I lift up my thoughts to him everyday. Especially when I start to worry. That is one of the hardest things for me. The giving up control. In the past and still occasinally when I lay down to go to sleep my brain seems to go into overtime. A million thoughts run through my head. What I have to do tomorrow, what I didn't get done today, did I say something wrong to so and so, did that conversation come out right, where is such and such that I lost a few months ago, am I ever gettting married, what If I can't have children, what if I wake up and my parents get sick and pass away, what if I'm never successful. If I thought about every question I would never get any sleep. So instead of over the counter medicice which only works temporarily anyways I learned to control it. I do exactly what the bible tells me do when these situations arise. Pray.
"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything; tell God your needs and don't forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus."‑‑Philippians 4:6‑7
Say this verse to yourself every night before bed and you will sleep like a baby. It works better than tylenol pm ever could. My next blog will have some great tips from my church about dating so keep reading.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
I realized that for the last four years a huge part of my identity was in being a student. Being a student is an excuse to act your age, then they hand you a degree and expect you to have everything figured out. For some that seems to be the case. I'm amazed at how together some people have it.
I have always considered myself a go-getter, but lately I feel like a hamster on the wheel just running in circles. I did everything they said I should to start my job hunt. I went to every job fair that was held at UK. I posted my resume on careerbuilder and monster.com. I have worked since I was 15. My only regret being that I don't have as well rounded of resume as I would like.
At 15 I found my first love...RETAIL!! Mostly the love of the discounts!! Ladies you know what I'm talking about. So, I have worked in retail for the last seven years on and off. I tried other things. Working in daycares and serving, but somehow was always pulled back to the mall. I was able to work in three commission based areas which was good for my pocketbook, but doesn't really mean anything on paper. What I mean by that is that sales jobs don't even consider retail sales, sales. I have never understood that. I don't consider myself just a sales person in a store. I consider myself a brand liason. Once a relationship has been fostered between a customer and I my opinion counts for a lot. Customers make look at brands because of my suggestion that they never had considered before. I love being the matchmaker! I love the feeling I get when I see a woman look in the mirror and think wow I look good. I love being the shot of self-esteem they so desperately need.
But back to the topic at hand. The waiting game. Limbo. Between college and the start of the next chapter of my life. I always assumed that it would be easy. Now I understand why my mom would try to hide the laughter as I dreamed out loud about making fifty grand in my first year out of school. Lately I appreciate my parents wealth of knowledge more than ever. I can look back at my teenage years and laugh at how I thought I knew everything. I want to slap the former self and say WAKE UP, but I can't go back now.
I have had some tough times over the past few months, but I finally feel like the storm is over and I can see the rainbow. Now, if only I could find that pot of gold. lol. I have learned a lot from my mistakes. Not just the obvious ones like dont do that again, but also about who will really be there for me. I realized that life is too short to keep looking back.
There is where my spiritual journey started. I realized that I had to relent control of my life. I had been resisting God's plan for my life for too long. I was in Joseph Beth the other day and overheard a lady say something pretty cool;
"If we were meant to figure out life on our own it wouldn't come with instructions (aka the bible)."
I started attending a great church about five months ago with my family. It has brought us so much closer together. I got involved in their children's ministry and attend a group for post college students on thursday nights. I wish I could say it was an overnight change I experienced, but it wasn't it was gradual. Which is good because in the past I have been known to give others whiplash from my quick decisions from one extreme to the other. Everyday I feel like I am growing closer to God as well. I am calmer, more peaceful, and less anxious about my future.
I want to recommend a book to all you women out there Christian or Non Christian:
The Lies Women Believe And The Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Its easy to read and very eye opening. There is also a workbook to go along with it. My Friend E and I are doing a bible study each week and I encourage you to get a group of girls together to hold each other accountable to reading it and applying it in your lives.
I know this blog has been nothing but ramblings. I can't promise that the next won't be the same way, but if your reading this I hope you come back because my friends have always said that my life should be a reality show. I tend to find myself in silliest of situations with no one to blame but myself and they should make for a good laugh.
I'm off to bed now. I have to get up early again tomorrow and continue my job search. Luckily, I also get to go see Rascal Flatts tommorow night at Rupp Arena with my family and friend K. I will be sure to take lots of pictures and post them. Goodnight.