Friday, January 30, 2009

I Might Lose My Head If It Wasn't Attached

I have always been really bad about misplacing things. My friends and family laugh when they here me utter those few words, "I think I lost...," followed by panic, then sobs, then anger, more sobs, and eventually their three favorite words "I found it!" I have never been good at hiding my emotions. As I get older I have learned to control them somewhat, but there is definitely room for improvement.

So, here I was getting ready for the concert. Amazed at how early I was ready. I had an hour to kill and I thought yes, now I can finally take a look at that book my dad gave me today. I had just sat down on my bed, cozied up under a blanket when I thought, "Oh, I can't forget my camera!" I jumped up out of my bed, and went to the closet threw open the doors and hunted for the clutch that I was sure it was in.

Not only did I not find my camera, but I also couldn't find my clutch. PANIC MODE ON. It must have just fallen my calm self says. STILL PANIC TAKES OVER. I frantically started digging out the bottom of my closet. Which is cluttered with things for my house wen I move out. NOPE NOT THERE. At this point tears are welling up in my eyes. I clean my entire room and my calm self tries to do its job. Don't panic, it never helps. I remember my mom's words, "trace your steps." But I keep tracing them and they always lead back to the closet.

I get a chair and start to search the top part of the closet. Five minutes later, I'm sitting on the floor with every purse, scarf and hat I own surrounding me thinking..why do I have so much stuff? Then it hits me. The open house. I had been on one of my quick cleaning jobs and stuffed some stuff in my bathroom closet.

I ran to my bathroom, opened the door and there was my clutch with camera safe inside.

Women of Joy

For starters, in yesterdays blog I mentioned the book, The Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh Demoss. I was excited to find out that she will speaking at the 2009 Women of Joy conferance along with some other pretty big names including Candace Bure (DJ Tanner from Full House) and Kirk Cameron (from Growing Pains). The conference also will feature music from Casting Crowns and Point of Grace. Here is the link for more information:

On another note, lately my church has been talking all about dating, marriage and relationships. If you haven't studied Song of Solomon you should get your bible out and take a look at it. God gives very complete and indepth instructions on what courtship, dating, marriage and even sex should look like for Christians. He gave us these to protect our mind, body and soul. Because when we carry emotional baggage or give ourselves away even emotionally to other people we cannot come before God or our Spouce's whole.

Now many of us including myself have not been perfect saints and we have already made these mistakes, but thats what is so great about God's grace. He can when your ready make you whole, and begin to heal the deepest aches in your heart. I had my doubts before I began to experience the forgiveness myself.

I was holding on to things from my past that I thought defined who I was as a person. I knew that God had forgiven me, but how could I forgive myself. Thats when I realized that I wasn't letting God in. I wasn't giving him complete control of my life.

One night alone in my bed I said a prayer of recommitement to God. I told him I was sorry for the things I had done in my past and that I had not made him my top priority. I told him that I would not make the same mistakes. That I would surround myself with people that bring me closer to him not drive me farther apart. I asked him to help me trust in him. To give me discernment between right and wrong.

I spend time nurturing that relationship as if it was a marriage. I lift up my thoughts to him everyday. Especially when I start to worry. That is one of the hardest things for me. The giving up control. In the past and still occasinally when I lay down to go to sleep my brain seems to go into overtime. A million thoughts run through my head. What I have to do tomorrow, what I didn't get done today, did I say something wrong to so and so, did that conversation come out right, where is such and such that I lost a few months ago, am I ever gettting married, what If I can't have children, what if I wake up and my parents get sick and pass away, what if I'm never successful. If I thought about every question I would never get any sleep. So instead of over the counter medicice which only works temporarily anyways I learned to control it. I do exactly what the bible tells me do when these situations arise. Pray.

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything; tell God your needs and don't forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus."‑‑Philippians 4:6‑7

Say this verse to yourself every night before bed and you will sleep like a baby. It works better than tylenol pm ever could. My next blog will have some great tips from my church about dating so keep reading.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

My First Blog

I'm Kinda new to this thing, but lately I have had so much time on my hand that I decided I needed something to keep me busy. I'm used to staying busy; working three jobs, being involved with groups at school, living at the library, overloading on caffeine to cram for tests, trying to make time for dating, friends and fun, etc.

I realized that for the last four years a huge part of my identity was in being a student. Being a student is an excuse to act your age, then they hand you a degree and expect you to have everything figured out. For some that seems to be the case. I'm amazed at how together some people have it.

I have always considered myself a go-getter, but lately I feel like a hamster on the wheel just running in circles. I did everything they said I should to start my job hunt. I went to every job fair that was held at UK. I posted my resume on careerbuilder and I have worked since I was 15. My only regret being that I don't have as well rounded of resume as I would like.

At 15 I found my first love...RETAIL!! Mostly the love of the discounts!! Ladies you know what I'm talking about. So, I have worked in retail for the last seven years on and off. I tried other things. Working in daycares and serving, but somehow was always pulled back to the mall. I was able to work in three commission based areas which was good for my pocketbook, but doesn't really mean anything on paper. What I mean by that is that sales jobs don't even consider retail sales, sales. I have never understood that. I don't consider myself just a sales person in a store. I consider myself a brand liason. Once a relationship has been fostered between a customer and I my opinion counts for a lot. Customers make look at brands because of my suggestion that they never had considered before. I love being the matchmaker! I love the feeling I get when I see a woman look in the mirror and think wow I look good. I love being the shot of self-esteem they so desperately need.

But back to the topic at hand. The waiting game. Limbo. Between college and the start of the next chapter of my life. I always assumed that it would be easy. Now I understand why my mom would try to hide the laughter as I dreamed out loud about making fifty grand in my first year out of school. Lately I appreciate my parents wealth of knowledge more than ever. I can look back at my teenage years and laugh at how I thought I knew everything. I want to slap the former self and say WAKE UP, but I can't go back now.

I have had some tough times over the past few months, but I finally feel like the storm is over and I can see the rainbow. Now, if only I could find that pot of gold. lol. I have learned a lot from my mistakes. Not just the obvious ones like dont do that again, but also about who will really be there for me. I realized that life is too short to keep looking back.

There is where my spiritual journey started. I realized that I had to relent control of my life. I had been resisting God's plan for my life for too long. I was in Joseph Beth the other day and overheard a lady say something pretty cool;

"If we were meant to figure out life on our own it wouldn't come with instructions (aka the bible)."

I started attending a great church about five months ago with my family. It has brought us so much closer together. I got involved in their children's ministry and attend a group for post college students on thursday nights. I wish I could say it was an overnight change I experienced, but it wasn't it was gradual. Which is good because in the past I have been known to give others whiplash from my quick decisions from one extreme to the other. Everyday I feel like I am growing closer to God as well. I am calmer, more peaceful, and less anxious about my future.

I want to recommend a book to all you women out there Christian or Non Christian:

The Lies Women Believe And The Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Its easy to read and very eye opening. There is also a workbook to go along with it. My Friend E and I are doing a bible study each week and I encourage you to get a group of girls together to hold each other accountable to reading it and applying it in your lives.

I know this blog has been nothing but ramblings. I can't promise that the next won't be the same way, but if your reading this I hope you come back because my friends have always said that my life should be a reality show. I tend to find myself in silliest of situations with no one to blame but myself and they should make for a good laugh.

I'm off to bed now. I have to get up early again tomorrow and continue my job search. Luckily, I also get to go see Rascal Flatts tommorow night at Rupp Arena with my family and friend K. I will be sure to take lots of pictures and post them. Goodnight.