Sunday, April 5, 2009

Faith Tested

I have missed blogging so much. I'm sure this post will ramble on since I haven't made time in forever to blog. Things have been crazy both for the good and for the bad. Work is still going great though at times I'm not sure that the banking industry is something I want to do forever.

I have been blessed with so much and I just want to kick myself sometimes for being so discontent. How do you stop yourself from questioning everything? I thought I had finally learned to just give it all up to God, but I continue to struggle with that daily.

Two weeks ago we found out that my uncle has cancer. There had been a spot before on his lungs but they thought they had removed it all. Then two weeks ago we were thrown a fast ball. The cancer was back on his lungs and had spread to his spine. The doctor's diagnosis was grim. My uncle was told that it was inoperable and that due to the large amount of cancer in his body they would not be doing radiation.

I was sitting in the middle of chop house eating dinner with my mom when the call came from my dad and tears began to stroll down my face. I have seen cancer try to steal the lives of people I love before, but never this close to home. I think it was partially due to the shock of it all. My uncle although in his late 60's seemed very healthy. He ate right, he worked in his garden, he mall walked every day for excersise and he kept up with three granchildren all under the age of seven. How could this man that seemed so healthy have cancer all throughout his body. I thought our bodies were supposed to alert us when something was not right and here his body had deceived him.

I called to tell him I was thinking about him and praying for him and when I asked him how he was doing he snickered hey I am still kicking. I couldn't believe that he could find humor in this terrible situation. I guess our emotional defenses kick in overdrive when faced with tragedy because if you sat around and thought about the true seriousness of the situation all you would want to do is cry and think how unfair life really is.

Then, on Friday I found out that I guy I knew at church had died in a motorcycle accident. He was only 21 years old. It really makes you think how nothing in life is guaranteed. They talked about him in church today, and about his mom. I can't imagine the thoughts that were running through her head when she received that call. Death is never an easy thing to accept, but its even more unnatural when a child goes before a parent. Please say a prayer for Brandon's family. I know right now they are really questioning God.

Those two things alone could break anyone, but then also last week my aunt had a kidney stone and had to have surgery, my friend was kicked out of her house, and my best friend is having some pretty serious medical problems.I hope that this week God will help me to see the purpose because right now its hard. I have to get off here now and take care of some things around the house, but I will be back on this week.

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